Counting My Blessings...

GRR.

Today is one of those days where I'm being really selfish and complaining a lot.  I hate these kinds of days.  So I'm going to vent a little, then I'm going to be positive and tell you some things I realized just before writing this.  So feel free to skip the following paragraph if you don't want to hear my pathetic ranting.

Its almost 5:30 on a Friday night and I'm pouting because Trey isn't home yet.  He has been working a lot lately and with me going to school at night and trying to get to bed at a decent hour to wake up to do it all over again, it feels like I don't see him that much.  We only have one car so its very hard to stay entertained in our basement apartment with Kohen.  Nap time is golden time for me to get things done since my little toddler is quite demanding of attention (which I don't mind, its just hard to get homework done otherwise).  So I feel a little trapped.  It was rainy/snowy today so that ruled out walking to the park which has been so nice to be able to do lately.  So needless to say I'm a little stir crazy, and since it is Friday I have a whole weeks worth of craziness built up.  I'm kind of sad because usually this time of year is one I absolutely love and look forward to, but I'm not feeling that this year.  I'm sure some of you reading this are sick of hearing how much I miss my mom, but I DO. SO MUCH.  I still feel like there has been too much change all at once and I don't know how to cope with it all.  It's not necessarily BAD change, just a lot of it.  BLAH!! Ok, I feel better.  

SO! Here is where I hit myself on the forehead and snap out of it.  So I'm having an off day, I can bet there is someone reading this who thinks I just super pathetic because they are going through something I can't even begin to comprehend.  This week I have been listening to a radio series on The Mormon Channel (www.mormonchannel.com) called Enduring it Well and OH MY GOSH it has changed my whole outlook on life.  Each episode is about someone who has gone through an enormous challenge in their life and how they have dealt with it through faith.  It is amazing.  I highly recommend it to anyone who needs to be reminded of the blessings they have in their life and that the trials we all go through are to make us stronger.  I know I needed that reminder this week.  So if you're cleaning your house, or driving in your car (there is a Mormon Channel app), or just have some free time to listen, DO IT.  HERE is the link, it will take you right to the page!  Anyway, On Facebook and Instagram a lot of people have been saying one thing they are thankful for each day.  I admit I've thought about doing it, but in my stubborn pride I haven't.  How lame is that? Part of me knows I won't remember to do it every day and the other part is like "who the heck cares? Just try to do it."  *BIG SIGH* So I'm going to kind of make up for it right now because I need to do it for myself.

A few quick ones... I am thankful to have a house to clean.  I hate cleaning.  But as I looked out the window today at the snow and rain, I am thankful to have a house to clean.  I'm thankful to be able to get an education.  I'm thankful to have maternity clothes.  I'm thankful to have food to cook.  I'm thankful Trey is patient on the days I don't cook haha.  I'm thankful for the snow and its beauty.  I'm thankful for friends who make me laugh.  I'm thankful for showers!!!  I'm thankful for the talents God has blessed me with.

I'm thankful for my family.  I'm thankful for my Dad, who is the strongest person I know.  I'm thankful for my sister, who has lost her mom, gained a stepmom, tore her ACL and MCL her senior year volleyball season, who can't play soccer because of that, and who has kept her faith and good attitude through it all!  All within a year and a half.  I'm thankful for my lil bro Ty! I'm thankful for his sense of humor, even through breaking his arm and missing most of his soccer season (what's with all the injuries??) and through some way difficult times, especially for a 15 year old.  The kid deserves mad props :)  I'm thankful for my brother Ben.  I'm thankful for the relationship we've had our whole lives.  I'm thankful for his ability to make me laugh under any circumstance.  I love these people. SO. MUCH.  So much that it hurts my heart!  I'm thankful for the new addition to our family this year, in our new stepmom Mindy, and her adorable son Morgan who loves Kohen just like his own blood related nephew, and for her beautiful niece Brooklyn. I know they came into our lives for a reason and I know it wasn't by accident.

I am thankful for my dads parents, Nanny and Grandpa.  They have taken such amazing care of us all even though they were facing the same heartache we were.  Thank you both for you love and devotion!  Nanny and I have always had a special connection.  Maybe because I'm her oldest (blood) grandchild, but for some reason we have always had a very special relationship, one that has blossomed even more in the past year and a half.  I have an amazing family who has been through a lot.  But it is hard to be away from them.  Sometimes I feel like I live on a different continent instead of two states over.  But Nanny has kept me sane.  My family is busy busy busy, and I know they think of me, and I think of them everyday and I'm so grateful for FaceTime that allows us to see each other!  But I sometimes feel out of the loop.  Nanny is my link to them when I can't reach them.  She knows what's happening.  I'm so thankful for her kind heart, for her wisdom, for her sense of humor!  I'm thankful that she listens to me when I need a good cry. I'm thankful that she gets me.  I'm thankful that even though I lost the one person who I need more than ever, that I have someone who loves me just as much and who truly helps heal the hole in my heart where my mom was.  I love you Nanny more than you know.  Thank you for being my rock!!  

I am thankful for Trey's job.  If you could hear me say that you would notice my struggle to get it out.  And I know how ungrateful that sounds.  But I really am thankful for it.  I get to see him everyday.  I get to be a stay at home mom.  I don't have to worry if we are going to be able to pay our bills this month, instead we are blessed enough to have extra money at the end of each month to save for a second car, to build an emergency fund, to save up for the expenses of our baby, to have been able to pay off our car in less than a year, and to be out of debt!  So even though Trey answers his phone 28374930 times after work, and has to stay up late emailing, or has to do night audits a few times a week after working 10 hour days, I am grateful that we don't have the stress or worry that comes with not having a job, or having thousands in debt to pay off, or having to go months without seeing him because he is deployed (props to you ladies, I couldn't do it).  I am thankful, and even though it is hard now, I know in ten years I will be truly grateful for these hard years.

I have a few friends and acquaintances that tragically cannot have children or who are having much difficulty getting pregnant, a trial that I can't even imagine having to go through.  My heart truly goes out to those who have to bear that burden.  I am so thankful to be pregnant again and I am so excited to meet my little Maddix boy.  I sometimes doubt myself in thinking I can handle a toddler and a newborn and be a stay at home mom, but then I remember that God gave me this baby because He knows I can handle it.  He thinks I'm strong enough, so I must be right?  I've never been great with kids, I mean I like them and think they are cute, but my sister really got the motherly instincts.  However, I couldn't imagine being anything other than a stay at home mom.  I am SO grateful to be just that and for a Heavenly Father who gives me the strength when I don't feel I have any left.
As I sit here typing this, my beautiful son is watching The Polar Express in his diaper and drinking some milk, while every once in a while he runs over to me and tries to get me off of this thing to play with him.  How blessed am I? SO BLESSED.  He is healthy and strong and smart and SO much fun.  He makes me laugh multiple times a day and gives me so much joy from watching him learn and grow and discover!  I am so beyond grateful to have Kohen as my son and so honored to be his mother.  I learn so much from him everyday.  I sometimes wonder why Heavenly Father allowed ME to be him mom because I feel way to impatient and ungrateful.  But for some remarkable reason He gave him to me to take care of.  I can't imagine my life without him.

I am thankful for my husband.  I am so blessed to have him!  I get emotional as I write this because he has helped me so much since the day I met him.  He is my best friend and the love of my life and I don't deserve him.  Poor guy takes the brunt of my complaining, my crazy preggo hormones, my frustrations, my selfishness, my heartaches, my doubts.  But he sticks by my side through it all.  If I were in his shoes I would've been gone a long time ago because I am not an easy person to put up with!  Not only is he the husband I always dreamed of, but he is an even more amazing father.  I couldn't think of anyone better to spend the rest of eternity with and to help raise a family with.  He is so amazing!  He is good at EVERYTHING he does!  He is such an amazing example of patience and unconditional love.  I am honored to be his wife, for whatever reason he chose me, I am so honored.  I love you Trey.  More than life itself.

Last but not least, I am thankful for my Savior and my Heavenly Father.  I know Heavenly Father loves me, is aware of me, and wants me to be happy.  I know this because He allowed His son to die for me.  Jesus Christ saved my life.  He carries me through my darkest times.  He knows my pains, my sufferings, my frustrations, my self doubt.  He understands me, and most amazingly He takes those things from me so I can bear them.  He is my rock, my salvation.  I owe him everything.  I know He died and took upon the sins of the world for ME and for everyone.  I know I will see my mom again because of His sacrifice.  I know He lives! I know He loves me.

Wow. I feel better.  I'm sure those reading this have a headache after all that.  But I am thankful I have this blog to allow me to get all these crazy feelings down so I don't completely lose it!  I am going to go watch a movie with my boy while we wait for daddy to get home.  And then I'm going to make him take us to Texas Roadhouse. HAHA!!

Baby 2 will be swaddled in BLUE!

Yesterday we got some fantastic news! We are having another BOY!!! Holy. Cow. We were watching the screen during the ultrasound and the tech asked if we could tell what it was... 

No doubt right?! I loved seeing Trey light up with excitement! Haha I would've bet money we were having a girl, I didn't care what we had but I really thought I was a girl. I'm in no way disappointed, I guess we just must have a little girl waiting still :) BUT I can't even begin to express how excited I am for this little boy to come! It really hit me yesterday once we knew it was a boy. I just kept laughing because I seriously thought it was a girl! I was surprised for sure but I was immediately overjoyed. I think I'm more excited for this baby than I was when I was pregnant with kohen, probably because I know more of what to expect and it's the best thing ever!  I know what it feels like to love your child and that love just grows and grows! 

We loved the name Maddix when we were trying to find names for Kohen until we found "Kohen" and decided our next son would be Maddix.  Oliver is my dads mom's, my Nanny's, maiden name.  Kohens middle name is Daniel after Treys dad, so we wanted Maddix to have a middle name related to my side, but (no offense dad) Maddix Robben, and Maddix Arthur just didn't quite flow. So then I thought of my Nanny who I've always adored and since her Oliver bloods runs through my dads body too I thought we could honor them both by giving him the middle name Oliver! My great grandpa Ben Oliver was such a great man and a strong man too, I really wish I could've known him before he died (I was about one whe he died) and I think those are great attributes to be named after as well! Plus don't you just think of a cute little British boy with suspenders and a baret when you hear that name?! Haha! So Maddix Oliver it is :)

The love I have for kohen and for being a mom is overwhelming sometimes because of how strong it is. I've never been great with kids and before I had kohen I was scared because I thought I would be annoyed and irritated all the time (don't get me wrong, kohen knows how to push my buttons at times) but the love overpowers all the hard parts so drastically. I love being a mom! I love playing with kohen and teaching him things and watching him grow. It seriously being me so much happiness! And now I get to have ANOTHER little boy! And kohen gets to be a big brother!! I can't even describe how excited I am! Before yesterday I was pretty nervous about having another kid. I was super worried I wouldn't be able to handle it, but now it's real. Now I know it's a boy named Maddix who is waiting to come into this world to add to our happiness! I know it will be harder. I know it will get overwhelming at times. I might call some of you reading this in desperation, but I know it will be ok because just like the love I have for kohen overpowers the hard parts, the love I already have for Maddix overpowers the scary parts now. I am so so so blessed. I couldn't be happier. How grateful I am to have my family and to see it grow and to learn from it all! There is nothing I would rather have or do. Who knew you could love three boys so much at the same time?! Man, I've got it good!! 

Yes I still exist.

Holy cow.

Its been awhile.

We have had a TON happen in the past few months (as usual) but I just haven't been able to sit down and blog!! I suck at this pretty bad haha oh well!

So back in July we went to my grandparents house in Auburn, Ca.  It was super fun.  They live in a gated community with a lake, golf course, and amazing houses.  They always do a huge Fourth of July celebration so we partook of the activities and food and fun times there!  Nanny out did herself once again with yummy food, adorable decorations in her house, and just an all around great time!  My uncle from Washington came down with his family so we got to hang with the cousins, too!  It was so cute to take Kohen to the beach. He was a little scared of the water at first, but then loved it!!  He really hated his life jacket, though.  We will have to work on that next year haha.  My dads (then) girl friend, Mindy and her son, Morgan, and niece Brooklyn also joined us on the Fourth.  It was the first time officially meeting them for Trey and I so we were a little nervous, but we all seemed to hit it off!  It was such a nice time overall.

We also received some news in July, we are expecting our second little bun!!!  I am due March 21, 2014.  They will be 23 months apart almost to the day! It is so crazy to think we are having another.  It seemed like it took Kohen forever to get here, and then the time just FLEW from the day he was born.  I still can't believe he is a walking, semi-talking, crazy little boy!  No longer a baby! And to imagine a second little person to love and hold and watch grow is mind boggling! I am so excited.  I am SO baby hungry and I can't wait to have another newborn.  I get so sad thinking that I will never get to have Kohen as a baby again.  It went by way too fast!  It will also be interesting to do it all over again.  I like to think I still remember how to care for a new born, but I'm nervous!! I am especially nervous for the sleepless nights.  I've been so spoiled with Kohen.  He goes to bed at 9 and wakes up at 9 and takes a 2 hour nap during the day.  Trust me, I am taking full advantage of my sleep before the baby comes!!!!  It will be a change for sure!!

This pregnancy has been a little different than last time.  I was more sick this time, and WAY more tired.  I think its just because I have Kohen to care for and chase around.  It has gone by a lot faster this time around, again probably due to Kohen!  I am just so anxious to find out what we are having, then I think the time will really fly.  I am currently 17 weeks and 3 days.  We find out what we are having on November 1.  I really don't have a preference.  I think a girl would be so fun!  But a boy would be fun for Kohen to have a little brother to play with.  Either way I will be so happy as long as it is healthy.  I will definitely be posting more once we find out!!

In August I turned 22!  Sometimes I still think I'm 18 or something, but then I see my sister who is 17 and remember that I'm married and a mom and not a kid anymore.  Its weird.

On August 10, my dad married Mindy.  It was a nice ceremony in their neighbor's backyard at sunset.  We had a lot of family and friends come from all over to support us all.  I am super happy that my dad is happy! And everyone seems to be adjusting well in the Leetham home.  Honestly, it was a hard thing for all of us I think.  It was just such a huge change and pretty fast, too.  But I am so happy for them and I am grateful my dad found someone to love and help him with all he has to do.

Trey has been so busy with work!  He is now over 6 stores and training another Area Manager.  He is amazing.  He seriously works SO hard.  His owners seem to be very impressed with him and have some plans for him!  I'm so grateful to have a husband who takes care of us SO WELL.  He has helped keep us financially secure and comfortable and that is such a huge relief. It has been a challenge figuring out both of our schedules with only one car, but we are managing.  We have been so blessed.  I started school at the end of August and I am loving it.  I am only taking two classes and it has been much more manageable than last semester.  I feel like I can take care of everything without stressing so that has been such a nice thing for me.  Its also nice being able to do something for myself and get a little "me" time every night.  I seriously love my major and I am so excited to keep learning!  It is going to take a long time to graduate with two kids!  But as long as I keep chipping away at it I think it will be worth it.  

Kohen is at such a fun age!  I hate how fast he is growing, but I love each new stage.  He can say SO many words in english and spanish!  He knows where his eyes are, his nose, teeth, ear, belly, and we are working on toes.  He loves apples!  Not apple slices, but whole apples.  He is learning how to count.  He always skips one and says "dwos"  as in "dos" and "two" mixed!  Its so funny!  But Trey counts with him in spanish and he guesses a lot of the number right! He is so smart.  He is really really tall, too.  He is getting super skinny.  He is being more of a stubborn eater, but he is definitely growing!  He is obsessed with Elmo.  He asks me to watch Sesame Street CONSTANTLY.  He also loves to dance!! He cracks us up all the time with his moves.  I love him so much!! This is my favorite age so far.  He is just my little buddy!  I can't even remember life without him.  I love being a mom, and especially HIS mom.  I feel so incredibly blessed.

I think that is all the update for now.  I will for sure be better about posting before the baby comes!

One Year

It's strange having to go about your business on the anniversary of a day that changed your life so drastically.  It seems like the world should stop or something, just for today... but of course that's impossible.  I lost my angel Mommy one year ago today.  I was nervous all week as this day approached because I wasn't sure how I would take it.  I had a really good cry last night.  I reflected on this time last year and a lot of emotions came back that were difficult to feel.  I texted my dad and he reminded me that she wouldn't want us to be sad today.  She wouldn't want us to be mopey and cry all day.  And that is true.  It's not easy to NOT be sad on a day like today.  But I think I'm ok.  I miss her.  SO MUCH.  All the time.  She truly was my best friend, the best mom I could ever ask for and I'm so honored I got as much time with her as I did.  She wouldn't want me to be sad... so I'm going to do what she would do, stay busy :)

I've grown in so many ways in the past year.  I've received so many blessings.  I've been shown so much love.  I've had some experiences that prove to me that my mom is STILL my mom and still with me everyday.  She is my guardian angel, she is Kohen's guardian angel, and so many others angel as well.  Of course I still cry and have really hard days.  I still wish she was just a phone call away.  But I know she's hard at work taking care of all of us from the other side and will continue to do so until that marvelous day when we are all reunited as an eternal family.  

I heard this song a while ago and it was so amazing how much it affected me.  It is such a great reminder of the things I know, that I WILL see my mom again.  

I love you mom.  Thank you for being there for me.  Even now I know you are involved in my life and I know you watch out for me and for Kohen.  I know you still take care of all of us.  Thank you for being the best example of a mom, friend, and person I could ever have.  You are so amazing.  You are such a huge piece of my heart and I can't wait until that part is full again.  I love you!

Always,

Kelsey 

Some life changing moments

So some of you may know I've taken on a new lifestyle.  At first I called it "partially vegan," but as I've kind of experimented I want to call it "happy living."  My dear friend, Erin, and I are trying to motivate one another and be healthier together.  We decided to change our lifestyles to be more healthy, happier, and positive.  Erin has been such an inspiration to me, not only because she looks amazing, but she makes me feel amazing just by being in a room with her.  For a while I was feeling really down on myself in the fact that I haven't lost my baby weight, I wasn't motivated, and I felt like I was a bad wife and mother because I wasn't happy and couldn't get myself to take care of our home in a way I thought I should be.  So I called Erin and she really helped me get out of that mindset.  This is when we decided to cut out sugar completely, and eat an almost 100% plant based diet (meaning we eat meat once in a while, for me once a week) and no dairy or animal products.  The thing about this lifestyle we are trying to accept isn't about what we can or can't have.  It's about learning to look at food in a different way and to only put the best things into our bodies.  So last week we started this together and for me I felt AMAZING.  I hadn't had that much energy in a long time.  I was more motivated from that energy and, thus, happier!  Trey and I bought some weights and set goals to work out every day.  I couldn't believe the difference in just one day.

I have to admit this past weekend was rough.  We had a wedding to go to and my family was in town and I didn't have much self control.  So I had some cake at the wedding.  At first I felt terrible because I let myself down and I let Erin down, but she was super supportive and helped me realize that I am not going to be perfect at this.  Its just like life, we make mistakes but we get back up and keep trying.  I think that is when it really hit me that I can choose a healthier lifestyle and LOVE it.  I felt like pooh after eating sugar and I was grouchy and had no energy after.  So it made me WANT to eat healthy again!  I can't even explain the change I have gone through.  I no longer look at myself and think of all the weight I want to lose.  I look at myself and am grateful for my body and excited to make permanent changes that might take longer to see results, but will ultimately be so much better and help me teach myself healthy habits.  I've started up clean eating and I am feeling so great!

Anyway, so Erin had me watch a couple videos on YouTube and they changed my life.  I STRONGLY recommend you watch them.

 I can't even tell you how much this helped me.  It made me realize so many things about myself. It made me realize how I've been so afraid of being vulnerable because I never want to feel as vulnerable as I did when I lost my mom again.  I hated feeling like that.  I felt like I couldn't control anything and that Heavenly Father could take Trey and Kohen at any second if He wanted to and I was terrified of that.  I realized I started putting up walls because I was scared of letting people too close and then losing them.  Even with Kohen.  This was totally subconscious and I didn't even realize I had done it until after watching Brene's video.  That moment was one of those life changing moments you never forget and make you a completely different person.  I realized that connecting to people is a necessary thing as human beings, and if we can't be vulnerable then connecting with people is impossible.  I mean really though, who can you connect to more?  The girl down the street who always has a perfect home, perfect hair, and the perfect body?  Or the girl who is scattered, and honest, and not afraid to say it like it is because she knows she is FAR from perfect?  I realized its OK to spend a day on the couch because I'm missing my mom.  It's OK if I need to just take a break from everything and cry.  It's OK if dinner isn't on the table as soon as Trey walks in the door.  It's OK if my house is a mess because I wanted to play with Kohen all day.  This video, as simple as it is taught me that the moments you feel most vulnerable can be the most defining moments if you allow yourself to FEEL and if you allow yourself to be WEAK.  And if you can express those feelings with someone else, we can heal so much quicker because you create a connection that makes you stronger.  When we do that, we become stronger and stronger.

This one is amazing too!!!

The thing that really stood out to me in this one was learning the difference between SHAME and GUILT.  I felt guilty because I wasn't being the ideal mom and wife.  I was ASHAMED that I had no motivation and that I was depressed.  There is NO REASON to feel guilty for feeling vulnerable.  I can't talk these videos up enough.  They are only 20 minutes so take the time to watch them.  They truly changed me!!!

Since watching Brene's talks I have been happier, I've been able to reconnect with Trey and allow myself to love him wholeheartedly.  I've been able to enjoy every little thing Kohen does and to not take things so seriously.  If he makes a huge mess at lunch I laugh and tell him I love him.  It really feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  One of the biggest changes I have made is learning that forgiving others for wrongs against you, though very difficult to do, will allow you to look past feelings of hurt or anger and will help you to love them for who they are.  They probably are scared of feeling vulnerable and react in their own way.  It's our job to be the first to show vulnerability and allow a connection to take place so that we can help each other and make connections in a world that is cold and hard to live in.  Super deep stuff!  I know!! But if we all try and make connections, how much happier will we be knowing that we are making positive changes in such a negative world??

Just some things to think about :)

Trey and Kohen's Birthdays!!

Kohen's birthday was on April 25.  I can't even begin to comprehend that he was born a year ago... it seems so surreal.  HOW did that go by THAT fast?!?  The night before his birthday I was rocking him to sleep and I just started crying!  It's funny that growing up is a sad thing for moms.  Trey was like "why are you sad? Its a happy thing!" I couldn't explain it, but it is sad.  I love every second with my little crazy boy and he is so much fun and he learns everyday and grows everyday and I love watching that happen.  But I also miss my little baby!  He is not a baby anymore... he looks like a toddler!  It just happened over night I think.  It just makes me sad that I won't every get to hold my little baby Kohen again.  I guess we'll just have to start having more babies so I'm not sad!  Haha :)

We celebrated Kohen's birthday on the Saturday before his birthday and we had some friends and some family over and we opened his presents and he ate cake!  It was so much fun and we are so grateful to have such wonderful friends and family to celebrate with.  Thanks to everyone who came!! We love you guys.  Kohen was so funny when he ate his cake.  He started out not sure what was going on.  His face was priceless when we started singing to him.  You would think he would be used to weird things with me and Trey as his parents!  He didn't dig right in to his cake like I thought he would.  He just nibble at first and then Trey grabbed a handful and shoved it in his face haha!  He didn't mind though he just kept eating!  It was so cute.

This past weekend was Trey's birthday, on the 27th.  He got a nice surprise just in time for his birthday, he got promoted to an Area Manager!  He will now be over a few stores making sure everything runs smoothly and will take care of any issues they come across.  He is such an amazing man!  I'm so proud of him and his accomplishments.  I love how his peers and leaders respect him.  Man, did I get lucky or what?? For his birthday, Trey wanted to go down to St. George so he could play in a softball tournament in Mesquite, Nevada.  It was a nice weekend!  It was a little warm but we enjoyed it.  Trey's team had fun playing and I'm glad he got to do that.  I just let him kinda plan the weekend.  We stayed with our good friends, the Bohacek's and went to Olive Garden for birthday dinner.  On Sunday we visited with family and had a little party that evening at the park with ice cream sundaes.  It was a beautiful evening and we are so grateful to have been able to share it with family!

It's weekends like this past one that remind me of what is really important: Family.  I am so grateful for the love and support we have from both sides of our families.  But even more so I am so grateful for happy, healthy, and fun boys in my little family.  Trey is the best father and husband I could've ever even dreamed of having.  He makes me laugh, he loves me, he takes care of me, he is patient with me, and he accepts me for who I am.  I am SO blessed to have him.  I fall more and more in love with him everyday.  Kohen is the light of my life.  He is just amazing to me.  I love his laugh and smile and happy demeanor.  I love how silly he is and I love that he loves me and needs me even though I'm FAR from a perfect mom.  He is my little blessing boy.  Our life is a great one and I'm looking forward to the rest of eternity with them!  It's crazy to think we will have more kids someday and that I will be able to love all of them as much as I love Trey and Kohen!  Heck, it's still crazy to think I'm married and have a baby!!! But I wouldn't change anything :)  Life is good.  Life is good.

Kohen's First Easter

For Easter this past Sunday we were invited over to my mom's best friend, Rosalee Ewell's, house for dinner.  It was super nice!  She is such a sweetheart.  We lived with her and her family for about a month and a half before we moved into our basement apartment now, so we've become pretty close with them.  They are so generous and kind and it's so nice to have them close-by so we can have fun days like we did on Easter!

I love Easer.  This year was very special too because of everything that has happened.  I'm so thankful for my Savior.  I know I've mentioned this so many time before, but I really would not have made it this past year without Him.  He died for us and was resurrected so that we can do the same.  He made it possible for us overcome death and live forever with my family.  Because He went through this alone, I don't have to.  I'm very very grateful for Him, I know He lives, I know He loves me.

I forgot to mention that my brother Ben moved in with us at the beginning of January! Its been so fun having him here.  He is doing so great!  He's working for Trey at Jimmy John's and saving money to go on a mission! 

We had a little egg hunt for all the kids that were there and Kohen was SO adorable.  Trey and I were laying in bed talking about it the other night and we were both laughing because he was so fun to watch!  He was so focused on finding eggs.  And he was walking like crazy in his new shoes and looking fly in his cute outfit from Aunt Stephanie and Adria.  I couldn't even stand it.  The best part was when he found his first egg and just put it in his basket like he had been egg hunting his whole life.  It was so fun.  Try not to die from the cuteness...

Our Second Anniversary

On March 12, Trey and I celebrated our second anniversary.  Since I had school that night we went out the weekend before.  Adria (Trey's mom) came up and stayed the night with Kohen so we could go out, which was super nice!  
Since Trey surprised me last year I got to plan the evening this year.  First we went to Nickel Mania.  Ok so for those of you who know Trey and I pretty well you know we are kinda immature at times.  So of course we had to go play at an arcade where all the games are only a few nickels each.  It was so fun!  We tried to get as many tickets as we could and we got candy with them!  It really was one of the most fun things we've done in a while.  Can you tell we are parents that don't get out much? :)
  

For dinner we went to Tucanos.  It's a Brazillian restaurant and it was SO. GOOD.  We stuffed our faces.  I highly recommend this place to everyone.  It's a bit pricey, but worth the amount of food you get.  After dinner we went to the Peery Hotel in downtown Salt Lake.  It was so cute!  Its just a little historical hotel with little rooms but it was really really fun and nice!  Adria and I went earlier to check in and set up the room.  It was so fun to surprise Trey with a fun get away.  We loved it.  
Saturday morning we went and had breakfast at one of our all time favorite places, Ruth's Diner.  Its up on the mountain by the University of Utah.  Then we went and got a couple's massage.  We were in heaven!!!  It was such a nice anniversary and, of course we missed Kohen the whole time, but it was nice to have a night with just the two of us.  
On our actual anniversary I surprise Trey at work with some great (and embarrassingly big) balloons and his favorite candy.  How cute is he?? 

And to top it all off, when I came home from school to a clean house, no laundry, and Chipotle!  BEST HUSBAND AWARD GOES TO TREY.  I love him.  He is everything I ever dreamed of and more in a husband, father, and best friend.  I never doubt that he loves me.  He has been such a rock for me this past year.  It's crazy to think that on our anniversary last year I was 8 months pregnant and about to leave him for 6 weeks to go have Kohen in California.  So much has happened since then.  Some good, some terrible.  But I never would've made it through any of it without Trey.  He is just... amazing :)

Valentine's Day

My goodness these past few months have been CRAZY!!!! But good too :)  I'm SO ready to be done with this semester.  I'm taking four classes that all have a lot of homework and it's quite the challenge getting everything done on time.  But I'm doing it!  I get pretty discouraged and frustrated sometimes and feel like quitting, but I know it will be so worth it in the long run.  I'm so thankful that I get to go to school AND stay home with Kohen.  It really is such a blessing to be able to do both.  I do wish I had finished school before we had Kohen, but it is what it is.  Trey is such a great support and so wonderful to let me do this.  Sure our lives would be less stressful and it would be easier on Trey if I worked.  BUT I feel so strongly that staying home with my kids will be the best thing I can do for them.  And once I finish my degree I will be able to do some part time work from home, which I am excited to do.  So that is why I have been a terrible blogger this year.  I always have an excuse. Haha so once again I'm playing catch up!

On Valentine's Day I decided to do a little photo shoot with Kohen to try out our new camera.  It wasn't easy to get Kohen to stay in one spot with all of the fun balloons, but I got a few good ones :)  I'm taking photoshop in the summer so I'm excited to learn how to edit photos!  But here's what I got.

I love this kid more than I could've ever imagined I could love someone.  He is so much fun! The first thing everyone says about him is "He is SO happy!" and he is.  I'm so grateful that I get to be his mom. Even though he can be challenging at times because of his energy (he. never. stops.) I love every second of it.  

  

My little burst of sunshine!

Sorry about the last post.  Bad day.  Here's a GOOD day.

Today Kohen is 9 months old!  I can't even believe it.  He's been out of my belly as long as he was in it! He is getting so big and smart and learning every day.  Some of his favorite things to do at 9 months are playing peekaboo with mom or dad under a blanket, pushing is train, reading books (he LOVES books), standing for a few seconds on his own, saying "hi" by waving his arm around wildly, giving high fives, crying while pulling on my legs until I pick him up (especially while I'm doing homework), and making people smile!  He is not a shy boy, but he definitely prefers his Mama!  He LOVES music and will dance by bouncing up and down when he hears a song he likes.  Sometimes he crawls on his hands and feet because he can get around faster and that is hilarious to watch!  He has his 9 months check up on Feb. 13 and I'm so anxious to see how much he has grown.  He is HEAVY.  He was 20 lbs at 6 months so we will see what three months of solid food has done for him.  I know he has grown a couple inches for sure.  I'll give the update as soon as we get it!

I love being his mommy every day and I'm so thankful God as allowed me to be his mom.  Its an adventure and I'm so excited to see where it goes.  But I'm not in a hurry at all!  He's growing up too fast already.  My Nanny said its about time to have another and I'm in no way ready for that!  Yet.  Yet.  Maybe next year :)  We will see.

A quick update from my side of things,  school is going really well and I love all of my classes!  I'm taking 13 credits this semester and just adding that one class is such a huge difference and I am busy busy this time around.  I don't know if I've posted on here exactly what I'm going into, so sorry for the repeat if I did, but I'm studying graphic design and photography at Salt Lake Community College.  I want to do wedding/birth/graduation announcements and all that jazz.  Its nuts.  But thankfully I have such an amazing supporter of a husband!  He has been so wonderful and patient.  I love him very much.  His store is doing awesome and he is working as hard, if not harder, than every.  We are blessed to have him.  Well thats our update! Til Next Time :)

somtimes life is just hard.

I'm having a little breakdown today.  I'm feeling super overwhelmed.  I hate all the pressure I feel to be the best mom, the best wife, the cleanest house keeper, the best student blah blah blah.  The worst part is not having someone who understands what I am going through.  I know you moms out there are probably like "yeah I get it too" but, no, you don't.  Excuse me for having a pity party here, but right now its just not fair that I don't have my mom to talk to.  I know I have so many people who are so supportive and so awesome, and I'm super grateful for you.  But there are things you just need your mom for.  Today is just one of those days I need my mom.  I. Miss. Her.  I just wish I could have her  back.  Why did she have to die? I still can't understand it.  She was the ONE PERSON I could talk to about everything and she wouldn't judge me or criticize me, or think different of me as a mom, daughter, friend etc.  And she wouldn't sugar coat things.  She was just there to listen.  I miss that.  All of you out there who don't appreciate your moms like you should really need to re-evaluate things.  You really don't know what you have until its gone.

Kohen's First Christmas! San Diego 2012

Wow.  I can't believe I'm actually posting right now.  I can't believe I'm actually sitting down right now! The past couple weeks have been so crazy! What with moving, Christmas, having company, New Years, unpacking, cleaning, changing diapers, chasing Kohen, and planning for more company it feels like I haven't caught my breath! Oh wait, that might be because I just did a Jillian Michael's video... 

Anyway! I'm so excited to post about Christmas.  It was so perfect!  It was a little nerve wracking getting everything ready and baked and packed and of course we forgot something so we had to turn around (good thing we hadn't left on time.. oh wait we never do).  Not to mention the 11 hour drive we had to San Diego.  But thankfully Kohen was so good!  We stopped in St. George and saw Trey's family for a little bit and let Kohen crawl around for a while and he slept for most of the rest of the way.  The only scary part was how delirious Trey got around 2 am and wouldn't stop to let me drive.  Come to find out he was only acting that way because he knew I would fall asleep if he didn't stress me out to no end and he wanted me to stay awake and talk to him.  Wonderful.  Also, true about me.  Fun stuff. So we got to San Diego safely and had a pretty good drive out.

Now, I don't think I have every posted about San Diego before.  My dad's boss has a company condo down there and lets people rent it out for vacations.  My family has gone a few times before this trip and it is probably one of our favorite places to go.  The condo is on the 33rd floor and overlooks the harbor where cruise ships and air craft carriers come in.  It is so beautiful.  We have made a lot of fun memories down in that beautiful place.  This was Trey's first visit to San Diego and he loved it!  We all loved it. 

We were about four three levels from the top

veiw from family room

view from balcony

view from family room

The first day we were there Kohen of course woke up at 6 am.  That was nice of him.  So Trey and I got up and got ready by 7:30.  We waited for a tiny bit before we woke everyone else up too :)  The Stecks, my cousins/Aunt/Uncle, drove down also for a few days so we planned to meet up with them around noon and have lunch and then go rent bikes.  Well, by 10 we were all getting stir crazy from looking outside and seeing the sun shining and the palm trees blowing in the breeze so we decided to go on a walk.  Me, Trey, Jordyn, Ben, and Kohen decided to venture out into the big city and we ended up walking a few blocks to the mall. 

 Of course we split up so the boys could do their own thing while me and Joe shopped.  We had to be back by noon so when we were still shopping at 11:55 the boys yelled at us to get going :( So I didn't get to buy my pants.  Jerks... :) When we got back we ate lunch with the Stecks and then went to go rent bikes.  Get ready for this... its awesome....

Pictures say a thousand words and that was a lot of pictures so I won't say anymore about that.

We ended the dad at Hodad's, a local burger place with THE BEST burgers.  Ever. 

The next day was Sunday.  Trey and I met with the Stecks at the Sand Diego Temple after church.  It is so beautiful!! It looks like a castle from the freeway.  Trey practiced some skills with the camera too.

             

That night we took a drive over to La Jolla and went to a look out over the bay.  It was so beautiful and we got to watch the sunset over the Naval Base's cemetery.

We had so much fun with the Stecks and we are so happy they drove down to spend a couple days with us!!  They are more than cousins/Aunt/Uncle to us.  Which is why I call them Aunt mom, Uncle Dad and Kohen calls them uncle cousins, and Aunt Bum.  <3

On Christmas Eve all the kids went shopping while Grandpa Rob watched Kohen at the condo.  Kohen decided to have some fun with Grandpa and blow out of his diaper (which he rarely does).  Grandpa liked that.  Then we went out to lunch at a local Mexican place called El Indio.  Best taquitos ever.  That night we went to dinner at Outback Steakhouse!

                               

Then we opened our traditional Christmas PJ's 

Christmas morning was so much fun with Kohen!  Grandpa Rob got him a standing up Piano and music player and Auntie Joe got him a hat from Bass Pro Shop.  He loved ripping the paper and he loved his presents too!  

                       

       

Kohen turned 8 months old on Christmas Day :) Such a big and happy boy

After all of the morning festivities we went to see Les Miserables.  While we were waiting to head over to the theater we played life size chess and checkers at the mall.  

 

The movie was awesome! Except Kohen slept the whole time BEFORE the movie and then fussed the entire 3 hours.  So Trey and I had to take turns going out or to the back of the theater with him.  I felt really bad for the old lady next to us. She saw our backsides more than she saw the movie I think.  

The whole trip was so perfect.  There is truly nothing better than being with family and making memories together.  It was so hard to say goodbye to them, as it always is.  I'm so proud of my Dad, who holds down the fort so well and with so much on his plate.  My siblings are also amazing and we had so much fun together. I'm so proud of them and the people they are.  We've been through a lot this year and we've all suffered and we've all grown in different ways.  This Christmas was perfect because it didn't feel like our usual Christmas, which is exactly what we needed.  My mom made Christmas SO wonderful.  And we really really missed her.  But we stayed busy and happy and, yes, we shed a few tears on the last day there.  My dad made some calendars for us with old and new family photos, and my Nanny made us binders with all of our family pictures from when my parents got married to now and also put individual pictures of each grandchild in them too, such precious gifts for us to look back on the years and remember the happy times together.  

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday.  And its funny to look back at how my reasons for it being my favorite have changed.  From believing in Santa, to wanting new things, to just being with family and remembering Jesus Christ.  I am so grateful for the meaning of Christmas and how it reminds me to be more giving, more loving, more charitable, and more appreciative of how TRULY blessed I am.  This Christmas could've only been better if my mom was there with us,  but you know what?  I think she WAS.  

We had a very nice New Year's Eve with some close friends and Trey's family visited the weekend we got home.  Kohen got super spoiled of course by his Nana and PeePaw (yes we know that name is creepy :) ) 

We are so truly blessed with such wonderful family and friends who have been so supportive and loving.  And this year WAS filled with good things too!  We welcomed Kohen into our lives and so many new memories were born with him.  But I am ready for a new year.  Sending 2012 off was very bitter sweet, but I feel like 2013 is going to be filled with good, with happiness, and with love. 

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and wish you an even greater New Year!