Some life changing moments

So some of you may know I've taken on a new lifestyle.  At first I called it "partially vegan," but as I've kind of experimented I want to call it "happy living."  My dear friend, Erin, and I are trying to motivate one another and be healthier together.  We decided to change our lifestyles to be more healthy, happier, and positive.  Erin has been such an inspiration to me, not only because she looks amazing, but she makes me feel amazing just by being in a room with her.  For a while I was feeling really down on myself in the fact that I haven't lost my baby weight, I wasn't motivated, and I felt like I was a bad wife and mother because I wasn't happy and couldn't get myself to take care of our home in a way I thought I should be.  So I called Erin and she really helped me get out of that mindset.  This is when we decided to cut out sugar completely, and eat an almost 100% plant based diet (meaning we eat meat once in a while, for me once a week) and no dairy or animal products.  The thing about this lifestyle we are trying to accept isn't about what we can or can't have.  It's about learning to look at food in a different way and to only put the best things into our bodies.  So last week we started this together and for me I felt AMAZING.  I hadn't had that much energy in a long time.  I was more motivated from that energy and, thus, happier!  Trey and I bought some weights and set goals to work out every day.  I couldn't believe the difference in just one day.

I have to admit this past weekend was rough.  We had a wedding to go to and my family was in town and I didn't have much self control.  So I had some cake at the wedding.  At first I felt terrible because I let myself down and I let Erin down, but she was super supportive and helped me realize that I am not going to be perfect at this.  Its just like life, we make mistakes but we get back up and keep trying.  I think that is when it really hit me that I can choose a healthier lifestyle and LOVE it.  I felt like pooh after eating sugar and I was grouchy and had no energy after.  So it made me WANT to eat healthy again!  I can't even explain the change I have gone through.  I no longer look at myself and think of all the weight I want to lose.  I look at myself and am grateful for my body and excited to make permanent changes that might take longer to see results, but will ultimately be so much better and help me teach myself healthy habits.  I've started up clean eating and I am feeling so great!

Anyway, so Erin had me watch a couple videos on YouTube and they changed my life.  I STRONGLY recommend you watch them.

 I can't even tell you how much this helped me.  It made me realize so many things about myself. It made me realize how I've been so afraid of being vulnerable because I never want to feel as vulnerable as I did when I lost my mom again.  I hated feeling like that.  I felt like I couldn't control anything and that Heavenly Father could take Trey and Kohen at any second if He wanted to and I was terrified of that.  I realized I started putting up walls because I was scared of letting people too close and then losing them.  Even with Kohen.  This was totally subconscious and I didn't even realize I had done it until after watching Brene's video.  That moment was one of those life changing moments you never forget and make you a completely different person.  I realized that connecting to people is a necessary thing as human beings, and if we can't be vulnerable then connecting with people is impossible.  I mean really though, who can you connect to more?  The girl down the street who always has a perfect home, perfect hair, and the perfect body?  Or the girl who is scattered, and honest, and not afraid to say it like it is because she knows she is FAR from perfect?  I realized its OK to spend a day on the couch because I'm missing my mom.  It's OK if I need to just take a break from everything and cry.  It's OK if dinner isn't on the table as soon as Trey walks in the door.  It's OK if my house is a mess because I wanted to play with Kohen all day.  This video, as simple as it is taught me that the moments you feel most vulnerable can be the most defining moments if you allow yourself to FEEL and if you allow yourself to be WEAK.  And if you can express those feelings with someone else, we can heal so much quicker because you create a connection that makes you stronger.  When we do that, we become stronger and stronger.

This one is amazing too!!!

The thing that really stood out to me in this one was learning the difference between SHAME and GUILT.  I felt guilty because I wasn't being the ideal mom and wife.  I was ASHAMED that I had no motivation and that I was depressed.  There is NO REASON to feel guilty for feeling vulnerable.  I can't talk these videos up enough.  They are only 20 minutes so take the time to watch them.  They truly changed me!!!

Since watching Brene's talks I have been happier, I've been able to reconnect with Trey and allow myself to love him wholeheartedly.  I've been able to enjoy every little thing Kohen does and to not take things so seriously.  If he makes a huge mess at lunch I laugh and tell him I love him.  It really feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  One of the biggest changes I have made is learning that forgiving others for wrongs against you, though very difficult to do, will allow you to look past feelings of hurt or anger and will help you to love them for who they are.  They probably are scared of feeling vulnerable and react in their own way.  It's our job to be the first to show vulnerability and allow a connection to take place so that we can help each other and make connections in a world that is cold and hard to live in.  Super deep stuff!  I know!! But if we all try and make connections, how much happier will we be knowing that we are making positive changes in such a negative world??

Just some things to think about :)

Trey and Kohen's Birthdays!!

Kohen's birthday was on April 25.  I can't even begin to comprehend that he was born a year ago... it seems so surreal.  HOW did that go by THAT fast?!?  The night before his birthday I was rocking him to sleep and I just started crying!  It's funny that growing up is a sad thing for moms.  Trey was like "why are you sad? Its a happy thing!" I couldn't explain it, but it is sad.  I love every second with my little crazy boy and he is so much fun and he learns everyday and grows everyday and I love watching that happen.  But I also miss my little baby!  He is not a baby anymore... he looks like a toddler!  It just happened over night I think.  It just makes me sad that I won't every get to hold my little baby Kohen again.  I guess we'll just have to start having more babies so I'm not sad!  Haha :)

We celebrated Kohen's birthday on the Saturday before his birthday and we had some friends and some family over and we opened his presents and he ate cake!  It was so much fun and we are so grateful to have such wonderful friends and family to celebrate with.  Thanks to everyone who came!! We love you guys.  Kohen was so funny when he ate his cake.  He started out not sure what was going on.  His face was priceless when we started singing to him.  You would think he would be used to weird things with me and Trey as his parents!  He didn't dig right in to his cake like I thought he would.  He just nibble at first and then Trey grabbed a handful and shoved it in his face haha!  He didn't mind though he just kept eating!  It was so cute.

This past weekend was Trey's birthday, on the 27th.  He got a nice surprise just in time for his birthday, he got promoted to an Area Manager!  He will now be over a few stores making sure everything runs smoothly and will take care of any issues they come across.  He is such an amazing man!  I'm so proud of him and his accomplishments.  I love how his peers and leaders respect him.  Man, did I get lucky or what?? For his birthday, Trey wanted to go down to St. George so he could play in a softball tournament in Mesquite, Nevada.  It was a nice weekend!  It was a little warm but we enjoyed it.  Trey's team had fun playing and I'm glad he got to do that.  I just let him kinda plan the weekend.  We stayed with our good friends, the Bohacek's and went to Olive Garden for birthday dinner.  On Sunday we visited with family and had a little party that evening at the park with ice cream sundaes.  It was a beautiful evening and we are so grateful to have been able to share it with family!

It's weekends like this past one that remind me of what is really important: Family.  I am so grateful for the love and support we have from both sides of our families.  But even more so I am so grateful for happy, healthy, and fun boys in my little family.  Trey is the best father and husband I could've ever even dreamed of having.  He makes me laugh, he loves me, he takes care of me, he is patient with me, and he accepts me for who I am.  I am SO blessed to have him.  I fall more and more in love with him everyday.  Kohen is the light of my life.  He is just amazing to me.  I love his laugh and smile and happy demeanor.  I love how silly he is and I love that he loves me and needs me even though I'm FAR from a perfect mom.  He is my little blessing boy.  Our life is a great one and I'm looking forward to the rest of eternity with them!  It's crazy to think we will have more kids someday and that I will be able to love all of them as much as I love Trey and Kohen!  Heck, it's still crazy to think I'm married and have a baby!!! But I wouldn't change anything :)  Life is good.  Life is good.