Rainbow baby

I will never forget the day we found out we were expecting our rainbow baby. It was in May and I had been feeling super tired! I told Trey I had a good feeling that I was preggo and he immediately went to the store to get a test. I took it as soon as he got home and as soon as I saw that blue line I started bawling. Trey thought something was wrong and ran into the bathroom because I was sobbing! He didn't realize I was crying because I was so happy!

 

We had been wanting to get pregnant for a few months. I missed my period for 3 months in a row but it wasn't because I was pregnant! We still don't know what happened, but j think it was Heavenly Father giving us the push we needed to start trying. 

After Maddix died I wanted to get pregnant right away, and Trey didn't even want to think about it. Looking back, I wasn't ready either, I just wanted my sweet Maddix back. I am grateful we waited as long as we did, because I needed that time to grieve, to miss Maddix and to heal my heart a little. It also allowed me to find It Works and put all my heart into my business, which lead to use buying our first home and changing our life forever! The fear of having another baby set in and j realized how necessary it was for me to wait awhile. And so when I didn't start my period the first time in Janiuary,I was terrified and a little excited! When we found out it wasn't because I was pregnant, we both realized that we might be ready to start trying.

In April, I finally took the prescription my doctor had given me to make me start my period, and BOOM. The next month I was pregnant! I was so incredibly happy. And also very scared. There was no going back. We were going to have a baby in 8 months. 

 Through out my pregnancy I battled being absolutely terrified of what was to come. The anxiety a new parent faces is hard enough, but the anxiety after losing a child is far worse. I was also still missing Maddix so much. I hardly slept my entire pregnancy because soemtimes I was too uncomfortable to sleep and other times I would lay awake missing my sweet boy. I think the hardest part of losing Maddix is that life goes on for other people. They don't think about him every day, they even forget about him. But I think about him every single day still. I feel like they thought that just because I was pregnant again, that everything was ok again. And it was definitely easier as the days went on. But nothing will ever make me forget my perfect Maddix. 

As I was getting closer and closer to my due date I was getting more and more anxious! I was definitely excited because we were having a girl! But I was so scared. Trey would often remind me that fear and faith can't exist together, but it was really hard to get rid of that fear. However, once the last month of my pregnancy hit and I was M I S E R A B L E and HUGE the anxiety and fear was replaced with a strong desire to not be pregnant anymore, which I'm sure all you mamas understand! 

11 days before my due date I started having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. My mother in law was staying with us and we had been spending that week cleaning the house and getting everything organized.  That day we were cleaning a ton and I told her I had a feeling we would be going to the hospital that night! I called Trey and told him the same thing so he came home and we got everything packed and finished cleaning and then we decided to get some dinner. Trey and I went to Cafe Rio and I stayed in the car while he went inside to pick up the food and I had a hard contraction! IWe got home and they were coming more and more often and harder! 

 

I waited it out for awhile and Trey installed the car seat and it was 11 pm when I decided we should go!

We got to the hospital and they put me in the triage room and I was at a 4 and 80% effaced. The nurse said I was most likely in labor but they would come back and check me in an hour, which they did and I had only progressed a little! So my options were to walk around the hospital for an hour or go home and wait. So I walked! I did laps in my room and it wasn't much later (like minutes) that the contractions started coming faster and harder and it freaking hurt!! So for the next hour I walked,  then squatted and cried during the contractions, then repeated. Props to the mamas who give birth in medicated. Because I was almost yelling for my epidural at the end of that hour! Trey says he was embarrassed that I was so demanding haha! It was about 3:00 am when I finally got it and was able to sleep for a couple hours. 

Eleanora Sandra Guernsey was born the morning of January 13, 2016 weighing in at 6 lbs 14 oz and 20 inches long. Her birth was perfect and the absolute joy I felt holding her for the first time was indescribable. It felt like Maddix had sent her down with a giant hug and healed the hole in my heart. Although I still miss him every second, Nora has helped us heal so much! She brings us so much laughter and light and happiness! She is the sweetest little girl and looks just like her daddy! 

 

 

 

Nora has done exactly what a rainbow baby is sent to do, bring hope after a storm. We have in no way forgotten Maddix. Nora has just filled our aching arms and brought so much love with her. I think Maddix have her a huge hug before he sent her down and said,"give that to mom and dad and Kohen from me." I know Maddix is still an active part of our family. I know he watches over us and protects us. He aches when we are sad, but I know he has an understanding that I don't. He is able to see the bigger picture. He knows how much we miss him and can't wait to see him! So he sent us Nora to help the time go by more quickly until that day. And Nora has definitely made things sweeter in our home! We are all a little obsessed with her!  

 

I know God is aware of us and had a bigger plan for Maddix. I know He and my savior Jesus Christ, love me. I know if I continue to have faith in their plan and lean on Christ in my moments of weakness that we will be a family forever. I know That the trials we have been through in the past few years are molding us into the people we need to be to fulfill God's plan for us. I am so blessed, and I am so thankful for my knowledge that I can live with Him and my family forever. 

 

The rainbow after the storm

The past year has FLOWN by! So much has happened and I am regretting not keeping up better with this blog. I am so thankful for social media and that I have been able to document our life on Facebook and Instagram.

I have missed blogging and I want to start now and document our life and adventures! We have been so incredibly blessed and I figure if I can just give someone hope who has experienced similar trials as us, then I will be happy!

We found out we were expecting our rainbow baby last May and gave birth to our beautiful, perfect and petite little girl, Eleanora Sandra on January 13, 2016. Even writing this makes me tear up because of the happiness she brings to our life! We call her Nora. She is Trey's mini-me! She looks so much like him and even has his red hair! She has stolen our hearts. Even Kohen has said since we brought her home how cute she is and how much he loves her. She resembles our angel boy Maddix so much. At times it freaks me out because they could be twins! As she has gotten older she has definitely taken on a more feminine look, and she's so small! The resemblance is there though. Although all of our kids look so similar!

A rainbow baby is a baby born after the loss of a baby. They bring hope and light, but do not erase the damage of the storm. The joy she gives us is indescribable. She is so precious. She symbolizes so much; that happiness is still possible even after tragedy. That trials are for our own growth and development and if we continue on in life with faith, everything will be ok. The Lord will never leave us. He has a plan for each and every one of us.

Nora is 7 months old now. Kohen is 4. There are still moments like right now where I can't believe all that we have gone through in the 5 years Trey and I have been married. 3 babies. 2 deaths. 8 moves.  Countless diapers. A million kisses. Hundreds of bedtime stories. At least 12 Harry Potter marathons. And so many priceless and precious memories. I'm so thankful to have Trey by my side in all of it!!! 

 

 Kohen is the apple of my eye. He makes me laugh daily! And he is so smart! He attends a Spanish preschool and is doing very well with it. Trey has been consistent with speaking only Spanish to him and it's been so fun so see Kohen catch on. Kohen loves dinosaurs, power rangers, ninja turtles, spider-man, and did I mention dinosaurs?? He loves being outside, swimming and riding bikes. He's tall for his age and he is the most loving and kind child. I'm so proud of the little boy he is! He teaches me more about myself and life and always keeps me on my toes.

I'm excited to keep better track of our life from now on! We have some amazing plans for our future and we love that you're coming along for the ride!

Our Silver Lining

I decided I should probably update you all on the happenings in our life since the last time I blogged. It's been a while! Life has been crazy and wonderful and hard. We still miss Maddix every second of everyday. We have been very blessed. We have been shown so much love and kindness. We have gained stronger testimonies of our Savior and His atoning sacrifice and just how healing the atonement can be.

June 15 seems like so long ago... It feels like a horrible nightmare, just a memory. But even now I can't think about the events of that day without breaking down. The days seems like just a memory, but the pain is still very raw, very real. I have a hole in my heart, an ache in my stomach. At every family function I have that same feeling you get when you know you forgot something. Except I know what I am missing.  For example, at Christmas it was so fun to watch Kohen open his presents and so fun to be around loved ones, but there is a sadness that lingers no matter how happy the circumstances are. This last month especially has been hard. Maddix would have been 11 months old on the 18th of February. I bawled a lot that day. Thinking about how I should be planning his first birthday party! About what Kohen was doing at that age, how big he would be already! Instead he is forever 3 months old in my mind...

Now don't get me wrong, like I said, life has been wonderful as well! Trey and I both have said that we would never want to go back to the people we were before we lost Maddix. The surety, the strength, the blessings that we have been given since losing him far outweigh the sadness. And that is saying something, because the sadness is DEEP. We had a friend ask us if there was ever a moment that we doubted that we would see him again, because grief can bring out the very worst doubts in people. There has never been one second we have doubted. Instead, we KNOW. We don't just "believe." Its a fact. Its something inside me that gives me more hope and happiness than anything else ever could. It brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it because of the happiness it brings me...I can't wait for that day!!

Now for the happenings as of late! Seriously, for the longest time I have felt like there had to be a silver lining... and I'm so grateful and happy to say that we have received some incredible blessings.  My last post was a video about the business I joined at the end of September. I joined It Works Global as an independent distributor hoping to make some extra money so we could replenish our savings after all of the expenses we had after we lost Maddix. I was in a very dark place the month before I joined. Mad at others for being happy, jealous of those who had babies, and just unhappy in general. I was being very selfish and ungrateful.  I knew I couldn't continue to live like that so I decided to pray and ask God to change my attitude because I couldn't do it alone.  The next week is when I found It Works.  I will save the full story for another time, but will give you the quick run down. I joined because they came out with a $10,000 G.O.O.D (Get Out Of Debt) Bonus and decided that I could join, hit that bonus and have enough money for a down payment on a house! However, I didn't know that I would fall absolutely in love with this business and that my life would be changed forever.  For those who don't know, I am a wrap girl! Our most famous product is our body applicator (wrap) that naturally tightens, tones, and firms your skin! Sound crazy? It is!! Its as close to magic as you can get. I joined the business without even trying one, so when I did my first wrap I was shaking because I was so nervous it wouldn't work. I couldn't sell a product I didn't believe in.  I put it on and 45 minutes later I saw results!! Check it out! After seeing my results I knew this was something I believed in 100% and I took off with it, and let me tell you, IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE.

So one wrap is a sample, 4 is a full treatment, and 12 is a procedure and comparable to surgery! With a healthy lifestyle you can get amazing results, like I did after a full procedure.  Basically, this business has turned into more than just a business, its a lifestyle.  We have over 30 all natural products! Skin Care, supplements, protein, Greens, and so much more! Literally a product for everyone.

I am SO grateful I found It Works. Actually, I don't think I found it, I think it was put in my path by Heavenly Father because He knew it would help me.  And here is HOW it has helped me.  First of all, I had a crazy amazing goal set to hit my bonus, so I was driven, I was excited, and I was motivated!! I had something to focus on and keep me going everyday. Second, my physical appearance changed. With an amazing workout program my dear friend made for me, my wrap results were life changing!! The wraps don't work without a healthy lifestyle, drinking enough water, and avoiding unhealthy food. I felt better about myself, I was happier, healthier, and had so much more energy! Third, my confidence went up, my attitude changed and I felt like I had something great to work for.  I started making an average of $1,000 a month with my commission, bonuses, and wrap cash. I expanded my network and have built amazing relationships with the people on my team! We were able to start putting more in our savings account and spend a little extra money here and there.  I realized that I was doing pretty well with the business, and that gave me more drive to continue to work toward my bonus!! So on December 31, the last day to earn my bonus... I didn't hit it... BUT I was ok with that. I was so close to the rank of Diamond (the rank I needed to be at to get the bonus) that I was going to get it and make more money, even without the bonus. I loved the company and planned on continuing to grow my business anyway! So when they announced in January at our annual conference that they weren't only extending the bonus, but DOUBLING it, I was beyond ecstatic!!!!! And SO happy I didn't hit my goals haha! I am so grateful to say that on February 28 I claimed by $20,000 Bonus and hit the rank of Diamond, a rank that earns and average of $1,900 a month.  That is life changing for us!



Not only did I earn this amazing bonus, but I also reached my other goal of saving enough money for a downpayment on a house! Trey and I put an offer on such a perfect house for us last weekend and they accepted the offer. We are just thrilled and so humbled.  We know that Heavenly Father has been watching out for us, putting things in our path to help us through losing Maddix, and giving us strength and drive to carry on!! I have no doubt that he has blessed us for keeping our faith in Him and our Savior, no matter how hard things were. He is a GREAT God.





Kohen is getting SO big. I can't even believe he is going to be 3 years old in April! He understands everything Trey says to him in spanish (Trey speaks only spanish to him!).  He can even count to 10 in spanish and responds sometimes in spanish! Its so fun to see how he understands it all. He is such an active little boy. He loves Spider Man, Harry Potter, Curious George, and Ninja Turtles. He loves wrestling and fighting (a little too much haha). He loves to sing Happy Birthday and brings us "but-cakes" (cup cakes) to blow out all the time! Its pretty adorable. He is super loud! He sometimes like to eat a ton, and then there are some nights where I swear he went to bed starving because he refused to eat anything all day. He loves noodles, apples, apple sauce, carrots, fruit snacks, tomatoes, strawberries and candy haha. We actually went to the dentist the other day and he has 2 cavities :( ugh thats the other thing, he HATES brushing his teeth!!!! He also hates washing his hair and rinsing out shampoo in the tub haha its such a struggle. He is so smart. Its so fun to see him learn things and catch on to things. He cracks us up all the time! A few weeks ago he said, "Mommy you're beautiful! You're like a monkey!" He came up to Trey holding the silver ball that you put in protein bottles, and he said "I'm Harry Potter!!!" like the ball was a golden snitch. We were dying. He has quite a funny imagination. He also loves to climb and jump off things! Its a miracle he hasn't had stitches yet! He can also throw a pretty impressive tantrum. I hate how quickly he has grown!! It really is true that time goes by so fast.

 Trey is doing great with Jimmy John's!!! He is over 5 stores and he loves it.  He is probably the most driven and hard working man I know. We went to his company party at the end of January and it was such a nice evening! I always love a good excuse to dress up and it was a very nice occasion! There was a beautiful dinner, such an amazing inspirational speaker, and then awards and dancing. Trey was awarded Area Manager of the Year and his owners are sending us to DISNEY WORLD and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter the week of Kohen's birthday!! We were in tears when they announced it. We are so blessed to be a part of D&D Management, we have been so blessed because of Trey's job with Jimmy Johns. I am so proud of him! He deserves this trip. He works so hard to provide for me and Kohen. I'm so grateful to know we will always be taken care of because of his work ethic and drive! He has taken up skate boarding and is getting really good at it! He is always trying new tricks in our living room! He also plays basketball once a week with some friends.  He is always on the go! He has been such an amazing support for my business as well.  He has helped grow my team and sign customers! He uses a few of my products and loves them, too! I am so blessed to call him mine forever. We will be celebrating our fourth anniversary this month. I love him so much!!

Maddix's birthday is on the 18th... its been a difficult thing to prepare myself for.  We were planning on going to Disneyland for the week, but changed those plans since we are going to Disney World in April.  We decided to go camping for his birthday and we will just enjoy time together as a family away from everything. Its going to be a hard day. But I'm so thankful we will be busy packing and getting ready to move this month so we will be distracted. I've felt very close to my angel baby lately, like he is letting us know even more so that he is with us. I even have felt my mom around a little more. I think they are letting us know that they are happy for us! I miss them so much. I so look forward to the day we will reunite with them! I really can't express enough how grateful I am for my Savior who made overcoming death possible, that I will hold my 3 month old baby again and get to raise him perfectly. I am looking forward to Easter a lot this year. What a beautiful time of year to reflect on Jesus Christ, His sacrifice for us, and how he overcame death so that we too can live eternally.  I love Him! I know He lives! Without Him I am nothing.


Thanks to everyone who reads my posts. I hope its not just rambling, I hope I can in some way inspire others lives through my thoughts and words. If anything, just know how grateful I am for a loving Heavenly Father who knows me, who blesses me with trials so I can grow from them, and who gives me the strength I need to make it through hard times.