Its the most wonderful time of the year!

Ahh, Christmas time again.  How I LOVE the holiday season.  Its such a great time to remember the blessings we have, to eat lots and lots of yummy, food, to reflect on all our Savior did and does for us, and especially to think about everything we DIDN'T DO this year!!!! Haha :) I say that because I've been terrible at this whole blog thing and I never did get any pictures up of Kohen.  So here we go!!

I was so surprised at how much I LOVE being a mom.  Kohen is such a little blessing and I adore him. He is so funny and active and smiley.  I never really knew that the saying "it melts my heart" really was true.  Sometimes I look at Kohen and my heart literally feels like its melting! I'm so mad I haven't been documenting as much as I want to because it is all going by so fast and I don't want to forget anything!!! So I am going to be better at recording what he does and when and I will be taking LOTS of pictures.  Trey bought me a new camera as a pre-Christmas present and I it is so much fun to take good quality pictures of Kohen.

So here are some pictures to make up for the months I never blogged about.

These are some of Kohen's newborn pictures, done by Terri Fairbanks Photography, at 1 1/2 weeks old :)

These are leading up to one month old. He was such a strong and happy baby! He could hold his head up and was learning how to start grabbing things

 His beautiful Nana! and his cute bum

 One month old. 

 Special daddy moment

 This is Kohen's last time being held by his Grandma Sandra

 First Time to the Beach in Tahoe

 Grandpa Rob!

 2 MONTHS OLD 

Such a busy boy.  Learned to like tummy-time and got better at holding his head up!

He loves to grap things and kicks his little legs around.

 Baby Blessing Day July 8, 2012

Kohen with all of the uncles on Dads side and Nana and Dad

 3 MONTHS

He was able to grab things, laugh, and started sitting up with support

He weighed around 14 pounds

 Silly faces :)

 First solid food: Bananas! He loved them!!!

 First shots at his 4 month appointment

 4 MONTHS

He started scooting around on his belly!

He ate a lot of rice cereal and bananas and sweet potatoes

 16 pounds 13 ounces and 27 inches long

 First time playing in the grass, watching dad fix the car

 He loves his bouncer

 Playing with his buddy Rayden

 5 MONTHS

He started sitting up on his own and crawling on his knees

He loves food.  Except chicken and rice baby food.

He gagged a lot with that one.

 Trip to California for Fall Break

 Auntie Joe!

 Nanny is the best entertainer

 First Halloween!! We carved leg holes in a pumpkin and took pictures :)

 6 MONTHS

Sitting up like a pro! Crawling on hands and knees and eating a ton!

He is such a ham and loves to smile at anybody!

He weighed 19 pounds 15 ounces and was 28 inches long at his 

6 month appointment.  Growing BOY!

 Proud that the Giants won the World Series! Wearing dads hat :)

 Starting to get around good.... mom is worried haha

 First time in the SNOW!! Wasn't sure how he liked it :)

 First Thanksgiving! 4 generation picture with Paw Paw, Nana, and Dad

 Check out those rolls.

 7 MONTHS OLD

Starting to pull himself up and walk along things!  He crawls FAST!

He loves sweet potatoes and rice cereal and anything edible or even non edible.

We have to watch him so close because he puts everything in his mouth!!!

Still such a happy little HAM. 

People always  comment on his big smile.

 Hanging out with mom. 

Family Pictures taken by our dear friend Shannon Reid

 So now that I've caught up on everything I won't overload my next posts with as many pictures!!!!! HAHA I just wanted to get the highlights posted :)  He is such a wonderful little boy.  We can't imagine our lives without him! There is no greater blessing that knowing I have him and Trey forever and ever.

Hope you all have a great holiday season!!!! Remember life is fragile and family is the most important gift we have.  Cherish these happy times and give to those who are less fortunate.  And don't forget what this time of year is all about, the birth of Jesus Christ who made our lives, happiness, and salvation possible!!!!

About My Mom

I thought I would take a moment, while Kohen is happily playing, to sit down and FINALLY get this post done.  Its been in my drafts for about 4 and a half months now and I just couldn't quite finish it.  So, NO my dear friends, I did not forget I had a blog, and I have been wanting to post forever, but this post is near and dear to my heart and very difficult for me to write.  So, here it goes.

For those who never go the full story, my mom died almost 5 months ago (in 6 days it will be 5 months).  She was diagnosed with stage four melanoma, and passed away two weeks after her diagnosis.  She had been really sick since around the time I got there in the end of March and she went to the doctor and they just couldn't seem to figure out what was wrong.   They thought it was gastritis, they thought it was stress, they gave her medication, but nothing was working.  Finally, they did a CT scan and found spots on her liver and lungs, and later two blood clots in her lungs, and finally a tumor on her lung.  After a couple of biopsies and a lot of time in the hospital, and after I had come back to Utah to be with Trey, they diagnosed her.  It was the second worst day of my life, the first being the day it actually hit me that she was gone from this life.

Now, some of you who are reading this might not have known my mom.  Let me tell you about her.  She was the most amazing woman I have ever known and will ever know.  She was always thinking of others, especially us kids.  Here is an example, they day after I had Kohen she was really really sick.  I didn't know this until later, because she got ready, went and bought me flowers and a little pretty cake and came to visit me in the hospital.  You would have never known she was sick.  She looked especially beautiful that day, I remember thinking that when she came in the room.  But that is just how she was, she would put on her big girl pants and get to work.  There were over 400 hundred people at her funeral, some who traveled from out of state even.  The "theme," if I may call it that, of her funeral was her sense of humor and her service to others.  I've never cried or laughed more in my life than at her funeral.  It was such a beautiful service.  And I want to take a moment to thank everyone who was there to support my family in such a difficult time.  You have no idea what your love and support means to us.  My mom probably never knew HOW MANY lives she impacted, until that day.  I know she was watching and thinking "Wow... ALL of those people are there for me?" and I know she was so grateful that we had so many friends and so much family there to help carry us through that day.

Some of you who were there probably noticed that we didn't cry much.  And this has been on my mind for a while, and I feel that I need to share why we didn't, because I now understand why.  A wonderful friend of mine sent me a message the day after my mom died.  I want to share part of it because she explains it perfectly.   

"I remember when my sister died, we just wanted to be together as a family and it bonded us in a way that nothing else in the world could. It also helped so much to have a special spirit surrounding our home--I think Heavenly Father always sends that when he knows we have lost something priceless to us. It was like a bubble that protected us in a special way and kind of took away some of the sting. It was a really sacred time. It was so tangible that I still remember the day that I didn't feel it anymore and that was kind of hard. But it comes at the right time and we are so much stronger for it."

I experienced that exact thing, and I think my family would agree.  We didn't cry a lot because we were being "protected" with that bubble.  I remember that early morning when my dad came in to tell me and my sister that my mom was gone.  He didn't have to say anything.  He opened the door, and we woke up and I just looked at him... and I knew.  He came and laid down by me and Jordyn and we all held each other and cried for a minute before he had to go back out and take care of everything.  After he left, Jordyn and I just started talking about what my mom was experiencing at that exact moment.  We talked about the wonderful, beautiful welcome she was probably receiving, and all the people who were there to greet her and hug her.  And we had that spirit come over us and we only felt peace.  It is so hard to explain, and probably difficult to understand if you haven't experienced it.  But I KNOW my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ carried me through that most difficult time in my life.  I, too, remember the day I didn't feel that peace anymore.  It was SO incredibly hard to bear.  It wasn't until I was home, back in Utah, that it hit me.  I didn't have my mom to talk to anymore.  I talked to her everyday.  EVERY DAY.  There were so many times I almost picked up my phone to call her and ask her a question, or tell her about Kohen, or to vent to her, or to ask her advice, or just to tell her something funny.  And I couldn't.  And I can't.  And I still have such a hard time with it.  For a long time I was sad, then mad, then sad, then really really sad.  And It wasn't fair and it isn't fair.  And sometimes it just hits me all over again and I lose it, and sometimes its at really inconvenient times, like getting ready for school right after I put my eye makeup on, or I will hear a song on the radio that reminds me of her, or at church when I am teaching my primary class.  But, I don't think that is ever going to stop.  I am ALWAYS going to miss my mom.  She was the BEST mom.  She was the BEST friend.  I miss her so, so, so, so much.  

So now here is the happy part :)  I HAVE to tell you, anyone who reads this, how I am doing now.  Most of you know I am a mormon.  Actually, the proper name for my church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  Mormon is just a nick name for us.  We call our selves LDS for Latter Day Saints.  Anyway, in our church we believe that families can be together forever!  When we are married, we get sealed to each other in the temple, and that binds us together for eternity!  My parents were married for time and eternity in the Salt Lake temple, and because of that, all of us kids were automatically sealed to them as well.  SO.  If we live righteously and keep God's commandments and the promises we made him when we were baptized and when we went through the temple, we can all be with my mom again! FOREVER.  I KNOW I will see my mom again.  I've had some very sacred confirmations that she is actively working on the other side, and that she is STILL a huge part of my life and my family's life.  And this is such a wonderful comfort to me.  In the scriptures is says that this life is only a fleeting moment in the eyes of God and in comparison to eternity.  It doesn't seem like it right now, but I can't wait to look back and say "I made it."  My faith, my religion has been the biggest reason I am ok today.  We also believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross after he took our sins upon him in the Garden of Gethsemane.  We call this the Atonement.  Not only does this allow us to repent and be forgiven of our sins, but Jesus Christ made it possible for Him to understand our pain, our sorrow, our happiness, and ANYTHING we go through.  THIS is how I've healed from losing my mom.  My Savior, Jesus Christ, lifted me up and carried my through the MOST difficult thing I have ever gone through.  HE is why I live today.  I KNOW He lives.  I KNOW He loves me and knows me by my name.  I KNOW He is there for me when I need him.  When no one can understand my pain, HE is there.  I LOVE HIM.  I know Him.  I am SO grateful for Him.  I am stronger because of this tragic thing that for whatever reason my family had to go through.  For whatever reason God needed my mom back with Him, I am stronger.  I still don't understand why it had to happen, I still think it isn't fair, but I have faith that one day it will be made right.  One day I will be able to hug my mom again and tell her to her face HOW MUCH I LOVE HER.  And the same goes for Jesus Christ.  I am going to live my life the way I need to so I can look them BOTH in the eyes and tell them how grateful I am for their examples, for their love, and for everything they have done for me to make me who I am today.  I'm still going to have trials, I'm still going to miss my mom, I'm still going to struggle with many things, but that is what this life is for.  To grow, to learn, and to come to know God and our Savior so we can put everything into their hands and let them bless us, and let them carry us through our hard times.  I KNOW that is true. Without any doubt :)

This song never really touched me like it does now.  This song perfectly explains how I feel about my Savior.  

"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the^arock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your ^bfoundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty ^cstorm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."  Helaman 5:12

Finally!

So it's been a month since our beautiful little boy came into this world and I'm just now posting about it. Welcome to the life of being a mommy!

First off- I hated being nine months pregnant. Not only are you exhausted and huge and uncomfortable but EVERYONE AND THEIR DOGS have some kind of advice for you of how to go into labor. And its always the same. Don't get me wrong- I asked people on Facebook for some different advice on how to get labor started. But outside of that everyone told me at least 5371985736 times a day to "go on long walks" or "eat spicy food" etc etc. k people...if you see a pregnant lady that is due any second don't you think she would have looked up or been told what to do to go into labor? My advice to you all who have not realized you do this- DO NOT GIVE ADVICE TO A PREGNANT LADY IF SHE DOESN'T ASK FOR IT. Yes i had been going on LONG walks with my mom everyday, yes I had been eating spicy food as much as I could without dying of heartburn, yes i had been playing just dance on the kinect, and yes i had been trying everything i could think of! I sound so rude and ungrateful right now. But I really almost punched a few people. Especially when my due date came and went and everyone kept asking "still no baby?! Have you tried [insert obvious method here]" ... I almost lost my mind haha! Trey and i decided NOTHING WORKS! THE BABY COMES WHEN HE/SHE IS READY! So needless to say when I went into labor at midnight Tuesday night (well technically Wednesday morning) I was completely and utterly ready!

Trey was asleep when my contractions started so I began timing them. And oh my gosh if you haven't had a baby yet it is true when they say you WILL KNOW when you go into labor. Those suckers hurt. After an hour of timing my contractions I woke Trey up and told him I thought it was time. My contractions were STRONG and averaging about 6 minutes apart. I went and told my mom and we got ready to go! Now for those who don't know this, I delivered Kohen in Modesto. My family lives in Valley Springs... It's about a 50 minute drive... And my contractions were getting stronger and closer together. By the time we got there my contractions were VERY STRONG and about 3 minute apart. So I was admitted at 2:00 am and all I wanted at that point was my epidural. You know in the movies when they ladies start screaming "GET ME MY EPIDURAL!!!" yeah I felt like that, but I didn't start screaming :) I got my epidural at 5:30 and it was so lovely. Angels started singing I'm pretty sure... Or I may have been hallucinating because I hadn't slept yet. Once that thing kicked in it was smooth sailing... For a few hours at least. Now I'm not going to go into detail about my delivery because it certainly wasn't what I expected. You can't possibly be prepared for labor unless you have had a baby before. And mine was difficult and I didn't want to have more babies when it was over haha but it truly was the most amazing and hardest thing I've ever done in my life! My epidural wore off so I felt a lot of the delivery. And Kohen's heart rate was dropping so he had to be vacuumed out. But besides that it was alright haha.

Kohen Daniel Guernsey was born at 1:05 on April 25, 2012 with a full head of dark hair! He weighed 7 pounds 12 ounces and was 21.5 inches long! He was and is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen :) He was so alert and he could already lift his head and look around for short periods of time. He was so tiny!!! My mom, Trey, and my sister were in the room and got to experience it with me. And Trey's mom was able to be on FaceTime! I'm so very grateful for their support. My beautiful boy came healthy with a few little complications but he was ready to meet us and for us to take care of him. And I fall more and more in love with him everyday! It truly is crazy how you can love someone so completely immediately. And how you are capable of loving two people with such an intensity! I LOVE my two boys :)

I love being a mommy. The first week was terribly hard. Especially after Trey left... Im so thankful for my family and all the help they gave me! I wouldve been completely lost without them. Especially with my mom being sick... That's another story for another post. They were such a great support group :) it was sure nice to come home and be with Trey though. He was super busy opening his store and moving us to our new apartment. He did such a great job. We ended up moving to a different one the following week though haha. It has been nuts but Treys mom Adria and her husband Jake came up and Treys brother Taylor came over and they were such a huge help!!! It was a blessing to have them here :)

What I have learned from all of this is that God is real and is a part of my life each and everyday and blesses me immensely. I know he was with me in the delivery room and I know He helps me be patient and strong and gives me energy to take care of Kohen when I feel too tired to. I know He lives and Jesus Christ lives. I'm so thankful I have my little family forever! They are everything to me :) I'm certainly not super mom yet, and I have a lot if learning to do. But I'm so grateful that I've been blessed with this baby boy. He is such a little miracle!!!